Posted on June 18, 2008 - by mishi

Pissin-n-Pampers

Have you ever wondered why the people in the world who really really shouldn’t have kids do it? Right now I’m not talking about the scumbags of this and every city. They make babies because that’s all they know how to do. I’m talking about the ones who have babies with ulterior motives. Well…the babies don’t have ulterior motives (yet)…the parent’s do, silly.

I should probably get into what I mean. I am aware of this fairly newly married young woman who doesn’t have the best husband in the world. He definitely isn’t what you would call a “life partner.” He doesn’t help out around the house, yet bitches when the house isn’t in tip top shape…even though she works full-time and he doesn’t. Get the picture?

I hear from a friend of a friend of a friend that she wanted a baby pretty badly. Ya….I’m sure you’re thinking what I was thinking. Are you flipin kidding me? Do you really think that hubby will magically snap to life once he smells the magical Eau De Pampers? Do you really think you’re going to be able to juggle child-care, taking care of the house/kid/hubby and work full-time? If she thinks he’s going to help out in any way except to fuck the kid up, she’s more delusional than I thought.

This boils down to a couple of things. 1) That people think that a child is going to strengthen a weak/dying marriage and 2) That people are going to change for the BETTER when a baby comes along.

I mean, I know I’m the Tiger Woods of the Self-Awareness world and everything, but I thought that it was pretty obvious that throwing a tornado into a grass hut won’t make that hut stronger. Nice. I just thought of that little visual right here while watching Third Watch.

So this saga hasn’t ended…in fact I find out the other day that she’s pregnant so the only thing that is really on the way out is her life and marriage.

Another set of wonder kids who shouldn’t procreate are those that can’t afford to. I’m not talking about the welfare cases and those who don’t do anything but smoke weed and make babies anyway. I’m talking about those “others” who blissfully get knocked up and decide they’ll figure it out on the way because they have lots of family and friends who will help. Going into this with expecting everyone to help you such a selfish, immature way of thinking.

Here’s a story. My cousin’s friend is piss-poor with a 2 yr old and a relationship (not marriage) hanging on by a string. They don’t have a pot to piss in…no extra money for anything. Lots o’pissin going on here, I know. But they were doing it on their own…no welfare. I give them credit for that. That credit got ripped back once I found out she was pregnant again and my fiance was being invited to the “man shower,” a poker tournament with the pot going to the “daddy-to-be” because they don’t have a lot of money and they’re having another baby. That’s on top of the baby shower they’re getting thrown for this 2nd baby.

There is so much wrong with this that I don’t even know where to start. First of all…a man shower? Who the fuck has ever heard of a man shower? We are not going to be rewarding this creep because he can’t figure out how to practice some form of birth control. I know they have an idea how that whole mommy + daddy = baby system works too. Secondly, a baby shower for the 2nd baby? What happened to hand-me-downs? What happened to reusing baby bottles and onesies you had from the first kid? So what if one’s a boy and ones a girl. Use them anyway. That’s the price you pay for getting pregnant again when you can’t afford to buy some frilly pink baby headbands.

Doesn’t anyone use their brain anymore? Doesn’t anyone ever think of the consequences of their actions? Why does everyone think (or know?) that their asses will be bailed out of the “unfortunate” situation they got themselves into? What ever happened to “you make your bed, you lie in it.”

Oh wait…I think that’s what got us into this situation in the first place.